


The Dating Game

by blackchaps



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:32:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney really is bad at dating. John is really bad at talking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dating Game

*********

It was John’s great misfortune to be half-a-hallway behind Rodney when it happened.

“Would you like to go out on Friday? I know this whole Katie Brown thing hasn’t been over that long, and I talked myself out of this twice, but no time like the present they say.”

John cleaved into a shadow. He couldn’t see who Rodney was talking to, but it didn’t matter.

“Hmm, do I know you?”

“Kirk Jameson, new off the Daedalus. We met in the gateroom the other day. I’m Canadian. Believe it or not, we grew up in the same town!”

“Your name is really Kirk?” Rodney made a noise that might’ve been laughter. “I, um, usually date women.”

That had been expected, and John waited breathlessly for the rest of the smackdown. Wait a minute, usually?

“I heard, but I wanted to ask. Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”

“Well, yes, I can, but, um, okay? Friday? You better stop by to get me. I get busy.” Rodney didn’t sound sure of himself. John didn’t hear the rest of the conversation as it faded down the hallway because his heart had begun to beat in his ears. Rodney had a date. With a guy. This was probably the biggest gossip to hit Atlantis since Ronon had… wait a minute. Jameson was one of John’s guys! John cringed. He didn’t mean it that way. Jameson was a major in the Canadian Air Force, a pilot, flown a Hornet before being tested for the gene. He had it, and they’d sent him here.

John narrowed his eyes. Jameson was good with a jumper. He was a talented pilot and a good shot, and even Ronon sorta liked him. Rodney had a date. On Friday. With a pilot.

“Just, no.”

********

“Heard any good gossip?” John asked at breakfast, trying for casual.

All three of them looked at him. Teyla smiled. “I heard that you like to sleep in footie pajamas. I am not sure what that means.”

“Heard that too.”

Rodney turned a very interesting color. He took a big mouthful of coffee, and John got ready to duck in case it came out instead of going down.

“Footie pajamas are for little kids,” John explained. “Someone is taking pot shots at my manhood. Again.” He smiled at Rodney. “Someone who lost three times at chess yesterday.”

“I would never stoop to footies!” Rodney waved his cup in the air. “I told everyone you had the clap.”

“Again?” John sighed at Rodney’s inability to come up with new material. He pressed a little harder for information, trying to be subtle. “Ronon, are you going to date Keller?”

Ronon glared.

“Hey, Rodney’s available again.” John pointed his fork that direction.

Rodney got up with a huff and stormed away. John smiled at Teyla. She rolled her eyes.

********

There was laughter coming out of a jumper so John detoured that way to get in on the joke. He could use a good laugh, but he stopped short of the ramp when he heard Rodney’s voice.

“He said that?”

“He did.” Rodney laughed loudly. “I thought Ronon was going to-–”

“Hey, guys,” John interrupted, forcing the anger from his voice. “How are the repairs coming along?”

Jameson didn’t even look ashamed to be caught gossiping about his CO. “It’s less broke than it was, sir.”

Rodney frowned down at his tablet. “We should be ready for a test flight in a few minutes, and the last thing I need is two pilots squabbling over the chair.”

John tried to will Rodney to look at him. It didn’t work. “Friday is movie night.” It was lame, but it was all he had.

“Really?” Jameson looked interested.

“ _Team_ movie night,” John growled. He found himself struggling for words. “Rodney, do not crash another jumper into the ocean.”

“That was so not my fault!” Rodney glared at him now. “But you’re right. You do it.” He thrust the tablet into John’s hands, gone down the ramp in record time.

“Rodney!” John swung from angry to really mad to frustrated. He clicked his head set. “McKay, you get your ass back here!”

“Meeting with Carter.” Rodney sounded as if he were running. “I’ll catch up with you later.” He clicked off, and John turned to glare at Jameson.

“You really don’t need me here.” Jameson eased to his feet, trying for the ramp.

“Sit down.”

*********

“Where’s McKay?” John made sure not to slap his tray on the table.

Teyla’s eyebrows went up. “We thought he was with you.”

Ronon shrugged. “I heard he’s dating someone. Some big secret about who it is.”

“I don’t want gossip. I want to know where he is!” John realized he’d crossed the line when half the mess hall fell silent. He sat down quickly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. It’s Friday, and I’m crabby.”

“We should spar.” Ronon looked eager.

She leaned closer. “John, are you still angry about the footies?”

“No.” John bit into his sandwich harder than necessary. “Are we watching a movie tonight?”

“With you?”

Teyla smiled, but it was thin. “What Ronon means is perhaps you would benefit from some other type of recreation. A book, perhaps?”

“I get the message.” John knew when he wasn’t wanted. He’d had plenty of practice at that. If he were still in junior high, he’d throw his sandwich at Ronon and run for his life. A group bustled through the door, and John couldn’t help but look them over. Jameson, with his damnable blond hair, was in the middle of them, laughing at something, and John tried very hard to look calm.

“I will see you both later.”

“Which one of ‘em are you going to hit?”

John took a good hold on his apple. In a few hours, Atlantis would be buzzing with the news that Rodney was dating Jameson. John got up fast. He had to find Rodney.

*********

“Is it that time already?” Rodney asked without turning around. It’d taken John forever to track him down, what with one interruption after the other. Also, Rodney’s office was the last place John had thought to look.

“What time would that be exactly?” John crossed his arms and waited for guilt. He wanted guilt.

Rodney turned and frowned, not a trace of guilt or regret in his blue eyes. “Oh, it’s you. Hmm, what?”

“What time is it?” John asked with exaggerated patience. It was hard to be angry when Rodney was clueless.

“Around four, by my watch. Is yours busted?” Rodney frowned down at his wristwatch. “That’s good though. I have time to finish these calculations, if you go away.” Now he looked up. “Or do you need something fixed?”

“I’d have used my radio if something were broken.” John really tried to be patient. “Everyone is talking about your hot date.” He noticed Rodney’s big sigh.

“Don’t people have lives? It’s a date. Big deal!” Rodney’s hands were moving. “All my dates end in disaster. This one will be no exception. My first date with Katie, Cadman kissed her.”

“So I hear. This one’s a little different. People are actually making bets on who it is.”

“Are you here for the inside track so you can make a bundle off Chuck, who I’m sure is running the book?” Rodney glared suspiciously at him.

John’s patience ran out. He hadn’t had much anyway. “Doesn’t it bother you?” he yelled.

“What? Are you still mad about that jumper thing? You’re the one who reminded me that I nearly drowned!” Rodney glared, his mouth all crooked in a bad way.

“I know who it is!” John really tried not to yell again, but he failed miserably.

Rodney surged to his feet. “And? What do you want from me?”

John had known that Rodney could be oblivious to reality. Even Ronon had remarked on it once or twice, but this was beyond belief. “You know what? I give up.” He walked out before he said something totally moronic.

*********

“So who won the pool?” Rodney snapped as he sat down next to Ronon with his tray. John waited for Teyla or Ronon to say something, anything, but they were finding other things to do – like eat.

“No one,” John said.

Ronon looked up from his food. “No one bet on a guy. Among my people you would be stripped naked and thrown through the Ring of the Ancestors.”

John cringed. That was harsh.

“Before or after they dialed another planet?” Rodney sounded more curious than anything.

“After.” Ronon went back to eating. “We always dialed the same planet. No one ever came back.”

“Can’t say I blame them,” Rodney said. “Teyla, what do your people do?”

“It is not unheard of for men to prefer men.” Her shoulders were rounded. “Especially when there are fewer women because of the Wraith. It is considered… shameful.”

“Ah.” Rodney drank some coffee and looked at John. “On Earth, there are a variety of customs, depending on where you live, some worse than others.” He shrugged. “I hadn’t dated a man in years. Women are nice enough.”

John stopped pretending to eat and stared at him, hanging on every word.

“I miss Katie.” Rodney rubbed his mouth. “Sure, we didn’t see each other that much, but she liked me, I think, and occasional sex is a good thing. I mean, you guys get laid all the time.” He sipped his coffee, not seeming to notice that he was the only one talking.

After clearing her throat, Teyla leaned closer. “Will you see him again?”

Rodney’s shrug wasn’t much of an answer. Ronon growled, “I told him to back off, or I’d shove the barrel of my gun up–”

“Ronon, that’s enough,” John growled. “Rodney can date whoever he wants. There aren’t any rules.” He wished that were true, but he wanted to say it anyway.

“I guess you did try to warn me, Sheppard,” Rodney said. He picked up his tray and left the mess hall. Teyla smacked Ronon on the arm.

“Nose! I said nose!” Ronon growled loudly. No one believed him.

********

“He dated Jameson. I say ask him.”

“I don’t think it went well.”

John rubbed his face and thought about plugging his ears. This wasn’t the first time he’d heard Rodney’s Friday night re-hashed, and it might not be the last. No one seemed to notice that he was even in the locker room and might disapprove.

“Seriously, you should give it a shot.”

“You guys talking about McKay?” The new guy plowed on before there were any answers. “I heard Ronon will beat the crap out of anyone that even looks at him.”

Silence fell, and John got up to creep out in the middle of it. He’d take a shower in his room.

“You think he’s dating Ronon?”

He hadn’t moved near fast enough, and he rubbed his forehead, wishing he could scrub that mental image from his brain. Rodney was right. The people on this base needed lives.

********

“Colonel, I am concerned about Rodney. He does not seem himself.”

Before saying anything, John made sure that Ronon didn’t have any knives out. “Well, thing is, he thought it was no big deal. That no one would care or even notice.”

“He feels as if we betrayed him.” Teyla looked right at Ronon.

Ronon shrugged and drank some water. They were all sprawled on the gym floor after kicking each other’s asses, John less than them. “On Earth, men that make that choice might be beaten or killed. Where Rodney’s from it’s more accepted. Where I’m from, not so much.”

“Killed?” Ronon frowned. “For that?”

“Um, your people did throw guys naked through the stargate.” John wiped some sweat off his forehead. His arms ached, nothing new.

Teyla slapped Ronon on the leg. “And you told Jameson to leave him alone. Rodney may think you dislike him.”

“Jameson’s not good enough for McKay, even if he is a pilot.” Ronon flipped up to his feet. “Katie Brown wasn’t either.”

“Oh, so, you have someone picked out for him?” John couldn’t help but be surprised.

With a laugh, Ronon used his foot to toss up his sword and strode out the door. John looked at Teyla. She frowned.

“I will speak to Rodney. We are a team.”

John nodded and didn’t argue. She’d do what she wanted, and he’d stay out of it. He took another big drink of water and levered himself up off the floor. First, a shower, and then, he’d try to talk Rodney into lunch.

*********

“No.” Rodney didn’t take his gaze off his laptop.

“You need to eat.” John knew exactly how stupid he sounded. He lowered his voice so some of the people in the lab couldn’t hear. “You haven’t said more than five words to me all week.”

“So?” Rodney looked tired, but that was normal, and John was already out of things to say.

“Rodney is trying to kill us all with work,” Zelenka said. “He is truly evil genius.”

John nearly cheered when Zelenka interrupted their conversation. “Does he have a cape? All the evil guys have capes.”

Rodney shut his laptop and left. He didn’t even look back. John sat down heavily on the abandoned stool. “He’s really mad.”

“And embarrassed.” Zelenka nodded, pushing his glasses back on his nose. “I have only known him since we came here. I was surprised also.”

John thought about that. He known Rodney about four years, and that wasn’t long enough to make the kind of assumptions that he’d made. “Most of us like one or the other.”

“He likes both.” Zelenka shrugged. “You must fix this before we all quit.”

“I’m probably not qualified. If Elizabeth were here…” He didn’t finish the sentence. It would hurt too much. Getting up slowly, he went to find him. Maybe Rodney would take pity on him and yell.

*********

“Ronon, I have no idea what you’re trying to say, but please! Go away!”

John stopped instantly. He’d tracked Rodney to the far reaches of the city where a person could stand on a balcony and feel the spray from the waves. Ronon had obviously gotten there first. He was a better tracker, and he never let them forget it.

Ronon grumbled something, but it was too low for John to catch. He wasn’t moving until Ronon was long gone.

“Guess it’s your turn to talk to him.” Ronon trotted passed John, moving easily. “He’s mad.”

“Thanks!” John turned to leave. He was beyond awful at this stuff, but Carter was worse, and if she got involved, this could escalate to the point that Rodney would nuke someone. Rodney sat at a small desk, laptop in front of him, surrounded by bits of Ancient machinery. Piles of it, and John had to shift through some of it out of curiosity. He’d found Rodney’s secret lab. Well, Ronon had gotten here first, but still. Rumors about the secret lab were legion. Of course, John had always been too polite to look before, or he’d have found it sooner.

There was a small bed shoved in the corner, but John doubted it was ever used. “Is this the Batcave?”

Rodney didn’t flinch, so he’d known John was there. “Are you volunteering to be Alfred?”

“He was pretty cool.” John went out the opened balcony door and let the tiny drops of water catch him. He never tired of the ocean. “Don’t you worry this room will flood?”

“No.” Rodney’s fingers didn’t slow down. “I’m sending you an email, asking you to leave me alone for the foreseeable future.”

“We have a mission tomorrow.” John planned on dragging him along whether he liked it or not. “So buck up.”

“Ah, yes, the famous John Sheppard pep talk. I would guess you’re finished, so if you’ll excuse me.” Rodney waved at the door.

John strolled over to the bed and sat crossways on it. Leaning back against the wall, he wiggled his shoulders and watched him. It wouldn’t take long.

After several minutes of silence, Rodney groaned and swiveled to look at him. “What?”

“Was it a fun date?” John was more curious than was good for him. He’d always been that way. He weathered the glare, reaching down to untie his boots and push them off. It was relaxing down here in the Batcave.

“I liked him fine until he wanted sex. On the first date!” Rodney transferred his glare to John’s feet. “Comfortable?”

“Getting there.” John took off his jacket, tossing it. “I thought you _wanted_ to get laid.”

Rodney made several noises that meant he was grumpy, annoyed, and maybe hungry too. “I like to know a guy before I bend over.”

“I’m so glad I wasn’t eating or drinking when you said that.” John couldn’t see Rodney bending over for anyone. “He wasn’t willing to…” He didn’t have the courage to finish.

“He said that he was an exclusive top, which was slang that I didn’t want in my lexicon, but by then, I wasn’t listening.” Rodney crossed his arms and leaned slightly away. “Are you here to throw me through the stargate naked?”

“Yuck.” John listened to the waves, thinking furiously. “You're going back to girls?”

“Seems safer.” Rodney’s shoulders slumped and he let his hands dangle down. “I thought Atlantis was different. I was stupid, and that never happens.”

“Yes, it does, and I think Atlantis is safer. I know for sure that at least one of my Marines wants to ask you out.” He wished he didn’t know that. “Not sure why. You call them names right to their faces.”

“He did ask me out.” Rodney blushed, turning his face further away.

John waited for more, but Rodney didn’t say anything. “So?”

“He was a kid!” Rodney growled out the words. “I’m not a cradle robber!”

“You’re picky for a guy who wants to get laid.” John smiled before realizing that he’d said the wrong thing. Rodney moved fast – he could when he wanted – and John’s boot hit John squarely in the chest.

“Get out! Go away!”

“Ow!” Putting his hands up, John deflected the second boot, but Rodney was out of ammo, unless he started throwing Ancient tech. “I’m sorry!”

“No, you’re not. You think it’s hilarious! You laughed about Katie. You laughed about Kirk, and I’m sick to death of being your only source of amusement!”

John tried to look calm since Rodney was about to bust a vein in his forehead. What he didn’t expect was Rodney to sit down hard on the bed and hide his face in his hands.

“Hey, buddy, it’ll be okay. It’s just dating, and people love to talk, and you can’t take it seriously. Look at all the rumors about me.” John sat up further and considered putting his arm around him. It wasn’t a good idea, but he wanted to do it.

“I start most of those,” Rodney muttered. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. John really hoped that was the end of the hysterics. Rodney put his hand on John’s knee. “Want to go out Friday?”

His mouth dropped open, and he could feel parts of his brain shutting down. He could see on Rodney’s face the anticipation of rejection. John licked his very dry lips. “Movie?”

“Maybe some food?” Rodney had yet to smile.

“Yeah.” John had to tell him one thing. “I never thought it was funny. Pathetic, yes.”

Rodney tried to hit him but missed. “You’ll still go out with me?” He didn’t look sure.

“We’ve been dating for years,” John said. He’d hoped Rodney would never notice. Rodney groaned and got to his feet. He went back to his laptop, and John found a comfortable spot with the pillow. No reason to rush off.

“It wouldn’t have killed you to tell me.”

“And spoil the surprise?” John laughed softly and shut his eyes. He’d thank Jameson later, after a couple rounds of sparring.

*********

the end


End file.
